“Not without my Polar Shorts!” God FINALLY admits he created man while wearing warm shorts for cool weather

Today, God announced that He himself designed Polar Shorts for the purpose of keeping His holy thighs warm during bouts of cool weather (40-70°F.) "Many different factors played a role in my creation of man," the Creator of the known Universe said in an interview, "but one that definitely stands out is warm shorts for…

List of Planets, followed by their Average Temperature, followed by their Suitability for Polar Shorts

We took the average temperature of each of the planets in the Solar System and the results are delightful for Earth residents. While inhabitants of Mercury and Venus may find temperatures too hot for Polar Shorts, several other lifeforms on Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune may in fact find it too cold for Polar…